smurfe
11-01-2003, 14:35
1 Sick people don't bitch
2About %70 of the battery patients more than likely deserved it.
3 The more equipment you see on a EMTs belt, the newer they are.
4 When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
5 All bleeding stops....eventually.
6 All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.
7 If the child is quiet, be scared.
8 The severity of the injury(s) is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.
9 If the patient looks sick, than the patient is sick.
10 If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then the patient is not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says.
11 If you absolutely must vomit, than it is probably best to turn your head away from the patient.
12 It is generally bad to use the words "holy ****" on scene, in reference to the patients condition.
13 Patients that crash in separate vehicles should be transported in separate vehicles.
14 If I'm up, EVERYONE is up!
15 I saved the patient...from the fire department.
16 When responding to a call always remember that your ambulance was built by the lowest bidder
7 Never get into the front of the ambulance with someone that is braver than you are 1
18 Always honor a threat
19 Always know when to get out of dodge
20 Always know HOW to get out of dodge
21 Don't go INTO Dodge without the Marshall.
22 You can't please any of the people any of the time.
23 They said, " Smile, things could be worse." So we smiled and sure enough, things got worse!!!
24 The number of drugs a patient has on board is directly proportional to the number of knuckles tattooed.
25 If you respond to an MVA after midnight and you don't find a drunk, keep looking - you've missed a patient.
26 The ultimate QA program in EMS is an autopsy.
27 Pain never killed anyone.
28 All fevers eventually fall to room temperature.
29 A Pt.'s weight is directly proportional to the chances the elevator will be non-functioning
30 If you drop the baby, pick it up.
31 If you drop the baby-fake a siezure
32 The dead never get better, on the other hand they never get worse.
33 O2 is good, blue is bad
34 Asystole is a very stable rhythm
35 What do you call a medical student who finishes last in their class? Doctor
36 Death is a stabilization of the patient's condition.
37 Training is learning the rules, experience is learning the exceptions.
38 Just because someone's EMT or Paramedic original license date is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing.
39 Take comfort in the fact that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
40 Most of your patients are healthier than you are.
41 Being an EMT means you get to expose yourself to rare, and exciting new diseases.
42 EMS does not save lives, EMS is to care for people. It is 95% of what we do.
43 Common sense isn't.
44 EMS goes against the process of natural selection.
45 Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean your supervisor's not around the corner.
46 You can't cure stupid.
47 If it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
48 Heaven protects Fools and Drunks
49Murphy was an optimist.
50 The address is never clearly marked.
51 EMS doesn't save lives we only "postpone the inevitable."
52 Supervisors become that because they won't be missed in the field.
53 Anyone with a "T" to "T" ratio of less than 5 to 1 is guaranteed to be drunk, on drugs, or both. ("T" to "T" means teeth to tattoos)
54 All arrhythmia's eventually straighten themselves out.
55 Dead is dead, leave it at that.
56 Your seriously ill pt. will miraculously get better when you roll them into the ER.
57 Your pt. will get new symptoms after radio report and pulling up to ER.
58 Don't get excited about blood unless its your own
59 The pain will go away when it stops hurting.
60 If nothing has gone wrong you obviously don't understand the situation.
61 You should always stop CPR after the second ouch!, from the PT.
62 People don't call an Ambulance because they did something right.
63 When in doubt, always take another set of vital signs.
64 If your patient is violent you can always use O2 therapy (an O2 bottle across the head usually calms them down).
65 If the patient fell and was moved by the family, they will have moved them so that climbing stairs will be involved.
66 You've never been as sick as just before you stop breathing.
67 The only time you need to fart is when you have your patient loaded in the elevator.
68 Beware when a firefighter says "Check this out."
69 the worse your pts breath is the quiter they will talk. you will have to get closer to hear them
70 If the patient only moans when you listen to lung sounds .... They aren't as sick as they want to be.
71 If a p/t tells you he/she is going to die, believe them they are probably right. (been there).
72 When in doubt remember the p/t is sick, the ambulance has wheels, USE THEM!
73 On trauma calls - survivability is inversely proportionate to social worth!
74 EMS providers know how to say "got shoes" in 7 different languages
75 Never go past the first dead cop
76 Upon arrival at a code, check your own pulse first, if it is still there everything else is easy.
77 IF you ever go to a call and find the cops laughing on the front lawn...worry!
78 Try to keep your pulse rate lower than your patient's
79 Trauma is treated with diesel first
80 All rhythms will eventually degenerate into one you will recognize and can treat.
2About %70 of the battery patients more than likely deserved it.
3 The more equipment you see on a EMTs belt, the newer they are.
4 When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
5 All bleeding stops....eventually.
6 All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.
7 If the child is quiet, be scared.
8 The severity of the injury(s) is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.
9 If the patient looks sick, than the patient is sick.
10 If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then the patient is not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says.
11 If you absolutely must vomit, than it is probably best to turn your head away from the patient.
12 It is generally bad to use the words "holy ****" on scene, in reference to the patients condition.
13 Patients that crash in separate vehicles should be transported in separate vehicles.
14 If I'm up, EVERYONE is up!
15 I saved the patient...from the fire department.
16 When responding to a call always remember that your ambulance was built by the lowest bidder
7 Never get into the front of the ambulance with someone that is braver than you are 1
18 Always honor a threat
19 Always know when to get out of dodge
20 Always know HOW to get out of dodge
21 Don't go INTO Dodge without the Marshall.
22 You can't please any of the people any of the time.
23 They said, " Smile, things could be worse." So we smiled and sure enough, things got worse!!!
24 The number of drugs a patient has on board is directly proportional to the number of knuckles tattooed.
25 If you respond to an MVA after midnight and you don't find a drunk, keep looking - you've missed a patient.
26 The ultimate QA program in EMS is an autopsy.
27 Pain never killed anyone.
28 All fevers eventually fall to room temperature.
29 A Pt.'s weight is directly proportional to the chances the elevator will be non-functioning
30 If you drop the baby, pick it up.
31 If you drop the baby-fake a siezure
32 The dead never get better, on the other hand they never get worse.
33 O2 is good, blue is bad
34 Asystole is a very stable rhythm
35 What do you call a medical student who finishes last in their class? Doctor
36 Death is a stabilization of the patient's condition.
37 Training is learning the rules, experience is learning the exceptions.
38 Just because someone's EMT or Paramedic original license date is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing.
39 Take comfort in the fact that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
40 Most of your patients are healthier than you are.
41 Being an EMT means you get to expose yourself to rare, and exciting new diseases.
42 EMS does not save lives, EMS is to care for people. It is 95% of what we do.
43 Common sense isn't.
44 EMS goes against the process of natural selection.
45 Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean your supervisor's not around the corner.
46 You can't cure stupid.
47 If it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
48 Heaven protects Fools and Drunks
49Murphy was an optimist.
50 The address is never clearly marked.
51 EMS doesn't save lives we only "postpone the inevitable."
52 Supervisors become that because they won't be missed in the field.
53 Anyone with a "T" to "T" ratio of less than 5 to 1 is guaranteed to be drunk, on drugs, or both. ("T" to "T" means teeth to tattoos)
54 All arrhythmia's eventually straighten themselves out.
55 Dead is dead, leave it at that.
56 Your seriously ill pt. will miraculously get better when you roll them into the ER.
57 Your pt. will get new symptoms after radio report and pulling up to ER.
58 Don't get excited about blood unless its your own
59 The pain will go away when it stops hurting.
60 If nothing has gone wrong you obviously don't understand the situation.
61 You should always stop CPR after the second ouch!, from the PT.
62 People don't call an Ambulance because they did something right.
63 When in doubt, always take another set of vital signs.
64 If your patient is violent you can always use O2 therapy (an O2 bottle across the head usually calms them down).
65 If the patient fell and was moved by the family, they will have moved them so that climbing stairs will be involved.
66 You've never been as sick as just before you stop breathing.
67 The only time you need to fart is when you have your patient loaded in the elevator.
68 Beware when a firefighter says "Check this out."
69 the worse your pts breath is the quiter they will talk. you will have to get closer to hear them
70 If the patient only moans when you listen to lung sounds .... They aren't as sick as they want to be.
71 If a p/t tells you he/she is going to die, believe them they are probably right. (been there).
72 When in doubt remember the p/t is sick, the ambulance has wheels, USE THEM!
73 On trauma calls - survivability is inversely proportionate to social worth!
74 EMS providers know how to say "got shoes" in 7 different languages
75 Never go past the first dead cop
76 Upon arrival at a code, check your own pulse first, if it is still there everything else is easy.
77 IF you ever go to a call and find the cops laughing on the front lawn...worry!
78 Try to keep your pulse rate lower than your patient's
79 Trauma is treated with diesel first
80 All rhythms will eventually degenerate into one you will recognize and can treat.